do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
