I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
