Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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