Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
