I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
