So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
