But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize