Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
