my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
