i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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