The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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