in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
