its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
