Don't you send me to vm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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