And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
