I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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