He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
