Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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