a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
