Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
