She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
