Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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