Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
