Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
