Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
