I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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