I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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