Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
