I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
