i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
