You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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