worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
