sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
