remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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