Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She even gives head with a lisp.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I AM VODKA MAN
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
