how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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