God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
