Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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