hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
