I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
