i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize