well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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