I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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