i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
