I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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