I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
