I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
All I want is dick and wine.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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