Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
