My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
