I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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