He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
