don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have post one night stand depression
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