where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
