I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
