She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
