Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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