dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
