Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
