watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
