apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
