You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
