Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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