Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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